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Funny Marriage Tips

Sujata Iyer
Trust everyone to come up with some sincere and some downright funny marriage tips when you announce your wedding. It's these tips that can sometimes prove to be rather helpful in a way that you might never have imagined. Let's find out what these are.
A marriage is a fusion of two people who have agreed to legally share themselves with each other, bear all of each others' nonsense, love each other 'no matter what' and preserve their love in their hearts and their souls, till death does them apart. Very fancy, isn't it!
Everyone who's been married knows that a marriage is full of joys, sorrows, irritation, excitement, respect, honor and most important of all, love. There's no such thing as a perfect marriage, unless you have little imperfections that make it so. Here are some funny marriage tips.
*Disclaimer: This is not to judge or mock anyone with the tips given here. They are just an attempt at some good-hearted humor and are purely for entertainment purposes.

For the Husbands

Sure your wife married you because she loves you and she obviously still does. But that does not mean that she loves everything about you. There are definitely some things that she absolutely cannot stand about you. You'll want to steer clear of doing any of those, especially when she's already upset or busy. Here are some tips to avoid unnecessary conflict.
  • The wife is always right. Even when she's wrong, tell her that she's right. She'll go on a major guilt trip when she realizes that she's wrong and you'll be the bigger person.
  • Find diplomatic ways of telling her that she could do with some weight loss. Never tell her directly that she looks fat in something that she's wearing. The most popular way to do it is go "You look fine, but don't you think the other one brings out the color in your eyes better?" or some equally efficient variation of it.
  • Always pick up after you eat, change clothes, or fix something. There's nothing more annoying to a wife than having to clean up after a sloppy husband.
  • Never assume that she's in charge of preparing all the meals. So don't walk into the house and proclaim that you're really hungry and want to know 'what's for dinner?'. She gets tired too and might appreciate your help in preparing the meal.
  • No matter what she says, a woman always appreciates a gift more than the thought of you getting it for her. So next time, don't simply tell her that you 'thought' about getting her something. Go ahead and actually get it for her.
  • Women don't understand the importance that men give to sports. So don't try to explain it to her by simply staring at the TV while she does all the work. Plan all your share of the work around the time of the matches. She can't complain about it then.
  • Forget important dates like birthdays, anniversaries, bill payments, kids' doctor appointments, school programs, etc. This way, she'll give you such a hard time about it, you won't have a choice but to remember it the next time.
  • Take off your wedding ring, for whatever reason ONLY if you want to ensure that you NEVER win an argument with your wife ever again.
  • Encourage kids to act silly by laughing at their antics if you want to test their moral fiber. They'll fail miserably and they'll take you down with them when they're grounded or punished!

For the Wives

Women are strange creatures. They expect, and when they expect, they want. When they want something and they don't get it, they get annoyed and depressed. They miss that crucial step of telling the person that they expect something from, that they expect it.
And that little step leads to many many arguments and fights that are both unnecessary and frankly, quite irritating. So, for all you wives, or newlyweds, here are some funny tips for a successful marriage that you would like to exercise for sure.
  • Be glad that you're not the center of your husband's universe, once in a while. Imagine having him around you all the time, not being able to have some alone time reading, etc.
  • Let him make the important decisions like what car to buy and what's the best gadget in the market, unless you're well versed with the stuff.
  • Don't ever tell him that you think a bald man is sexy or a guy with a mustache looked really appealing if you don't truly think so. The next thing you know, he might go bald or begin to grow a mustache!
  • Spoil him by doing all the household chores, taking care of the kids, running errands, and letting him just come back home, eat, watch TV and go to bed, for some days. If the guilt over your hard work does not kick in within a few days, you can always go shopping at his expense!
  • Don't be extremely chirpy if he's had a hard day and you've been at home. No matter how hard you work at home, you're bound to be a little, tiny bit more relaxed than him. So give him a break and throw in a foot massage and back rub once in a while.
  • Men love sports, period! If you don't, then don't try to understand it. Or worse, don't try to get your husband to do something during a live game, that you know can wait for a little longer. He'll be annoyed and won't do it properly. That's all the fuel that's required for an argument that you can never win.
  • Try your hand at fixing something yourself. Even if you're not sure how to do it, and especially if you want him to do it. You'll do a shoddy job, and when you show him your handiwork, there's little chance that he'll be able to resist the urge to show you 'how it's really done'. Major ego boost for him and you'll get the work done too!
Well, that's all for marriage tips for now. We'll leave with a few humorous quotes about marriage that will lift your spirits even higher.

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." ~ Groucho Marx 

"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished." ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?" ~ Barbara Streisand