Keeping the Spark Alive in a Relationship

Men like Edward Cullen and Noah Calhoun should be shot dead. Such fury you might ask? Such insanely set high standards, I would reply. The man and woman kiss, and story ends. Someone care to tell me what happened later? Didn't they get bored of each other? Seriously tell me, where does one go to find love after being in a relationship for quite a few years?

In fiction section of the British Library, perhaps? The facts my dear, reveal something else. Let me give you a glimpse of what love becomes after you've moved past that stars-in-your-eyes phase of your relationship. You wear that sexy lingerie you bought a week ago, on a Friday night in hope for some action only to see him oil his hair and sleep off on you.

It's been awhile since you kissed him goodbye while leaving for work, and he doesn't remember the last time he cooked for you. Familiar, eh? Well, would it make you feel better if I say, you're not the only one? Not quite.

I write this from a female point of view, well aware of the fact that it's we women who have this knack of spending an eternity (over)thinking what went wrong. And men? Men seek respite in clichés. 'Give it some time', and other similar sucky sentences that require this virtue called patience.

Today, looking back at all those years of togetherness might give you a sense of pride. But at the same time, it would also make you sad, for the truth is, that time will never come back. Argue all you want, but those stolen glimpses, those 5-page texts, and hours of waiting at the coffee shop just aren't meant to happen all over again.

Today, begin with some itsy-bitsy contributions towards giving a meaning to your passionless relationship. Talk. Listen. Act. But keep the fire burning, come what may.

In a parallel universe, every moment in your relationship is like the final scene from Pretty Woman. In this universe, however, there are time constraints. Many self-confessed relationship experts would suggest you spend time with your significant other. The issue, however, is - where is the time?

He comes home late in the night, whereas, you're busy hanging out with your girlfriends. Then, of course, there is Facebook, Twitter, and Soccer. Much thanks to these pain-in-the-neck (hands?) smartphones, there's Temple Run and Angry Birds too. The point is, how do you get your partner to look at you instead of the phone?

Well, it's time you start giving your partner hints. The whole idea of being in a long-term relationship is to be able to communicate easily and clearly. Speak your heart out. Say what you want and when you want it. Some needs will be met, some won't. Either way, romance will get a high.

If you've watched 'How I Met Your Mother', there's an episode in Season 1 where Lily tells Marshall that they've run out of firsts in their relationship. The first kiss, the first night, the first weekend together. Today, he asks you, Wanna do it?, and all you say is Yes.

Gradually, it so happens that you start believing that love and sex are different entities altogether. You end up laughing when you hear sentences such as 'we have our souls connected', 'two bodies, one spirit', etcetera etcetera. The truth is, after a certain point of time, touch takes the place of comfort.

Come to think of it, don't we all feel the need to be comforted all the time? So, now on, make it a habit to make love with your partner, even if it's at the most inappropriate instances. The more you do it, the more you'll feel alive. They say, your desire is like a muscle - use it or lose it.

Have you ever given a thought to the absence of those days when you loved them because you found them attractive? Now, your partner is right here, and you've gotten used to the attractiveness. I'm used to those corduroy trousers in which he looks his best. Need I say it every damn time he puts 'em on? Nah.

On the other hand, how many times can he compliment me for my curly hair updo? It is for times when things get mundane, that you lose the grip on your significant other. When this be the case, the trick is to view your partner as an independent individual, who is, in no way, an extension of you.

Ever wondered how many women must have found your man attractive all this while? At his workplace? In his friend circle? Take pride in the fact that he's yours, no matter what. That works in favor, believe me.

The little things you do for your partner will reignite that passion that fizzled out long ago. Do things you wouldn't be caught dead doing. If he doesn't send you surprise gifts, you do. Cook that favorite meal of his, and he won't feel the need to make plans with his buddies. Go on a date with him deliberately.

And boy! It's time you get over those faint expressions of love. No more weak pecks on cheeks and gentle hugs. Sparks shall fly, and you'll be the first one to see. My word.