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Rebuilding Trust in a Marriage

Marian K
Rebuilding trust in a marriage is possibly one of the most difficult things to do. If you have decided not to give up on your marriage, here are some suggestions that might help you.
Trust is the foundation of every relationship. It takes a lot of time and effort to build, but can be broken in a second. Every relation goes through its set of ups and downs, however it is your efforts that matters the most and can affect your future.
If distrust has hurt your marriage, and you decide to make it work, then you need to accept that people make mistakes. All you need to do is find a way to trust your partner again. Sustaining a marriage is hard enough, and disloyalty makes it more difficult.
An affair can put a marriage in crises, and a couple in agony. Rebuilding trust in a relationship that has witnessed disloyalty is possible, but is painful also. It is difficult and takes a lot of time as the person goes through denial, shock, anger, rage, depression, despair, and confusion before they are able to accept the situation, and then forgive.
If you've decided to give your marriage another go, then there are a few tips that will help you rebuild trust. Many couples, who find it too hard to deal with, try to smooth it over and move on, pretending that it never happened.
While understandable, this approach is terrible, and leaves one with a shallow relationship. It is often time and distance that helps you heal the relationship, so don't try to rush the process. A strong relationship requires trust, and here are some ways to build it.

Communicate

Some problems in a relation are a result of miscommunication. So, communication is a crucial part of the recovery process. The couple should discuss the problems and answer each others questions. They should not hide anything from each other.
Even if it seems like the same question over and over again, continue to answer those questions. As this is the first step to rebuild trust, make sure that you do not lie about or omit any facts.

Be Sorry

You need to accept the fact that you have caused pain to your partner, and feel truly sorry for it. Apologize and try to mend the relation with some genuine efforts.

Be Answerable

Another difficult thing is the need to prove your commitment to your spouse. Don't try to hide things from your spouse and try to be answerable to his/her questions, In marriage secrets are as dangerous as lies. You must also take concrete steps in household responsibilities (or any other sore points), to show your desire to please your spouse.

Find the Reason

Whatever be the root cause of the problem, find out ways to prevent it from recurring. Most problems stem from neglect, therefore try to spice up your married life every now and then.
If one partner feels lonely, or unloved, he/she may distance himself which will eventually cause problems in the marriage. Apart from this infidelity, insecurity, and boredom in the marriage or feeling disconnected from a spouse may also develop problems.
Apart from these steps, you need to be careful not to blame your partner for the glitch. Instead of placing blame, both partners need to be honest with themselves and each other.
You and your spouse may both need to change, give up unhealthy habits and behavior, try to better themselves, and also establish a better, deeper relationship. Now is a good time to define boundaries and expectations anew.
Rebuilding trust is a slow and difficult process, and there will be times when either partner wants to give up. Be patient, and don't expect anger and resentment to go away quickly, for the heart takes time to heal.
The relationship you will have after the incident may be quite different from what it first was. Redefine you marriage, keeping in mind the good times you've shared.