How to Handle the Pain Love Brings You

In the early stages of a relationship, it is tough to imagine that the one for whom you have such strong feelings could ever hurt you especially when everything is so new. The beginning is always sweet and nice, but sooner or later, something less than perfect happens and one of you becomes upset.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "you always hurt the one you love?" It's so true, isn't it? You may not mean to, but at some point, you may do something or not do something, that your significant other is hurt by. The opposite is also true. As a matter of fact, relationships sometimes end because of this. However, they don't always have to.

If you are in a healthy relationship, then the hurt is unintentional. It is important to realize that your loved doesn't intentionally hurt you, so try to see the situation from their perspective. You should try to calm down your emotions and talk to them about their thoughts, actions or about what they have said.

Try to see things from their perspective. Once you hear what the other has to say, he/she will be convinced to hear what you have to say. Explain how you interpreted their words and why you felt bad about it.

You might not be able to communicate this the right away, so wait until you calm down. This is easier said than done, but you must give it a try. Patience helps you avoid saying things you don't mean. Get it off your chest by talking it out or writing a brief note or an email. Don't just hold a grudge, because it will only hurt you more.

The most important thing that you can do is listen. Showing that you care about your partner's feelings is essential to help them heal quickly. You might not understand why they are hurt initially, because you didn't mean to hurt them. Make an effort to see it from their perspective, and try to help them understand your intentions better.

Communicate to them that you do care about their feelings. Apologize if you did something wrong. Make a sincere effort to acknowledge that you could have done things differently, and express plans to avoid that kind of thing in the future. Make it clear that you didn't mean to hurt them, and that you want to avoid doing it again.

If you feel hurt, don't

♠ Yell
♠ Try to get revenge or make them pay
♠ Hold a grudge
♠ Demand an apology
♠ Insist that you are right

If your loved one is hurt, don't

♠ Disregard their feelings as silly
♠ Say you're sorry unless you actually mean it
♠ Pretend to understand
♠ Insist that you are right

Ultimately, clear and honest communicate can help heal the emotional wound. Be willing to do both, to listen and to talk. If forgiveness, care, and understanding are working parts of your relationship, there won't be that much pain, and you will enjoy a long-lasting and healthy relationship that is true to life.